# Foot-shooting 101



## fronclynne (Jul 22, 2010)

Newbie:  Help!  I have a fly on my foot, how do I shoot myself in the foot?  I want to get rid of this fly.

User1138:  Get a small-calibre firearm (I like the Walther PPK), point it at your foot, and pull the trigger.

PowerUser69:  Dude, get a life, a S&W .357 Mag is a lot better than a Walther PPK.

CarefulAdmin:  If he does what you suggest, he'll have a hole in his foot.  It would be better to use a fly swatter.

User1138:  He should have asked in the fly swatter forum, then.

Newbie:  Help!  I took your advice and now I have a hole in my foot!

PowerUser69:  If you'd used the .357 you wouldn't have to worry because you wouldn't have a foot.

User1138:  You asked how to shoot your foot.  Now you know.

CarefulAdmin:  Do you have a backup foot?

Newbie:  Help!  Now the fly is on my face!  Should I try the Walther PPK on my face, too?  Also, can anybody tell me how to clean up all this red fluid?

. . .


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## chalbersma (Jul 22, 2010)

two points.


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## Beastie (Jul 22, 2010)

1. Just nuke it!
2. Contingency plan: prepare a second more powerful nuke so that your posterity can pulverize the giant mutant that resulted from step 1.


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## sossego (Jul 23, 2010)

What are your suggestions for hemorrhoids? A rotary sander?
If the gentleman has crabs- not the kind you eat, but the kind you treat- would the general consensus be to crush his balls?


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## gnemmi (Jul 30, 2010)

Damn it guys .. !!
fronclynne's post got me laughing really hard ... sossego's post and his rotary sander idea turned that laugh into a burst of tears and _out_of_control_ laugh that got me out of air !!!
way to start a day !
thanks _a_lot_ for the humor guys


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## graudeejs (Jul 30, 2010)

Shit, this was so funny


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## ChalkBored (Jul 31, 2010)

sossego said:
			
		

> What are your suggestions for hemorrhoids? A rotary sander?



A sandblaster would be easier to get into the area. Be sure to wear eye protection and a dust mask.



> If the gentleman has crabs- not the kind you eat, but the kind you treat- would the general consensus be to crush his balls?



A little fire will show them who's boss.
The problem with crushing, is that your body is softer than the bug's exoskeleton and absorbs the force. In order to flatten everything enough to kill the crabs, you're looking at something along the lines of a 1000 ton industrial press. So don't bother if you don't have access to one.


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## fronclynne (Jul 31, 2010)

*Dead crabs are good crabs*



			
				ChalkBored said:
			
		

> A little fire will show them who's boss.
> The problem with crushing, is that your body is softer than the bug's exoskeleton and absorbs the force. In order to flatten everything enough to kill the crabs, you're looking at something along the lines of a 1000 ton industrial press. So don't bother if you don't have access to one.



Hair-spray and a zippo to drive them out of hiding and an ice-pick to kill 'em.

Or you could try to make them depressed enough to commit suicide* by turning yourself a lovely shade of blue.


*as an aside I've always been charmed by the Deutsch _Selbstmord begehen_.  It's so very much prettier than the English.


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