# The random advice thread.



## saxon3049 (Oct 28, 2011)

You know the strange nonsensical or down right weird advice we get given from time to time? Well I would like to have a thread to preserve such nuggets of wisdom for future generations to look at and say WTF? 

So to get the ball rolling I'll share a few nuggets I have been given over the years.

Never give a customs officer two fingers, or he will take you to one side put on a rubber glove and return the favor. (Given by a friend on his return from a holiday in Amsterdam).

Don't under any circumstances leave the house without a spatula, it' got a million an one uses. (Given by some odd ball guy in my local drinking establishment, who carry's a spatula on him at all times).

Don't get hit by a bus when wearing a clown costume. (Another from the spatula carrying loon).

Never swing a cat by it's tail, the little gits grab the ceiling and wont come down.(From Danny a guy I was in collage with).


Now you turn.


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## nighttime (Nov 1, 2011)

So not advice per se, but my grandfather used to say "all day unless it rains." He would usually say it in response to the question, "Is today ____day?".

I have no idea what it means...


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## fonz (Nov 1, 2011)

saxon3049 said:
			
		

> Now you turn.


Things you probably shouldn't say to a cop:
I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (probably OK in Texas)
Sorry, officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 
Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
I pay your salary!
Gee, officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too! 
Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

Fonz


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## SNK (Nov 1, 2011)

Don't eat yellow snow.


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## freethread (Nov 2, 2011)

Things you probably should say to a cop:

â€œI was near the scene of another crime at the time, officer.â€
_Bender_


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## saxon3049 (Nov 2, 2011)

I got given a new golden wonder bit of advice, "Never use a violin bow string as dental floss" my Friends wife give me that one.


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## coyote_sprit (Nov 7, 2011)

It don't mean butt if it ain't got that jut.


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